Yang-dere
by God Emperor Penguin
Summary: Jaune is sick in bed with a cold while the rest of his team is out on a mission. Not one to leave the helpless unassisted, Yang decides to take care of the ill team leader of Team JNPR by making him a nice, nutritious, and meaty porridge with extra special ingredients.
1. Yang-dere

**Yang-dere**

**RWBY**

_Written from the perspective of Yang Xiao Long_

**Summary: **_Jaune is sick in bed with a cold while the rest of his team is out on a mission. Not one to leave the helpless unassisted, Yang decides to take care of the ill team leader of Team JNPR by making him a nice, nutritious, and meaty porridge with extra special ingredients._

**Genre:** _Horror/Romance_

**Author's Notes:** _;_; properly tagged?_

* * *

If you want teach someone to swim, you push them into the water but I think that only applies to healthy people with clear sinuses. Jaune wasn't any shape for swimming, or going on missions. Actually, he kind of looks like a snot monster gave him the sloppiest kiss of his life with tongue that went up the nose, down the throat, and back out the mouth.

And there's no one to take care of him.

Ruby wanted to go visit Patch and Weiss had to go home for family business. Blake wandered off somewhere like some stray cat in heat with Sun so the only one left in the dorms was me. _Sigh_. Guess I'll take care of Jaune then.

I opened the door to his room. A thick smell of ointments greeted me in the dark room.

"Jaune? You alright, buddy?"

Yeah, Jaune looked like a wreck.

There he is, laying there in bed with an ice bag on his head, thermometer in mouth, and a get-well card from his team who got sent on a mission without him. The cold came over him in an instant during the night. I still remember Pyrrha's face when she ran into our room saying Jaune was dying. He wasn't dying, the _invincible_ Pyrrha Nikos just has never been sick before.

"Who's there?" Jaune asked. "I can't see… and my head hurts… whose voice is that?" Jaune's lungs were hacking away in coughs and fits. "Ugh…"

I walked towards his bed and sat beside him, rubbing his back. Jaune was wearing his onesie but I could feel the sweat through it. "It's me, Yang. Come on, let's get you out of that onesie." If you don't remove the sweat from your skin, you're going to be baking yourself under the blanket in all the germs and diseases.

Tricks from mom, ya know?

Jaune didn't resist. I don't think he was all quite there right now with the headache and all. I removed his onesie and caught myself staring at his delicious body… I instinctively licked my lips before I realized I shouldn't fantasizing! Taking a towel from the nightstand, I began wiping the sweat from Jaune's body.

"Thanks Yang," Jaune snorted snot back into his nose. I handed him some kleenex and told him to blow it out. If he didn't, it'd get his nose infected. Best just to get rid of all the bad stuff, right? "Thanks Yang… again I mean."

Jaune sat silently like a good boy as I wiped the sweat off his back. It was kind of nice, it felt like being a window washer but instead of smooth glass you had Jaune's rippling back…

Okay, Yang! _Control _yourself!

"I-I'm going to make you some porridge," I suggested. Being in a hot room with a sweaty and naked Jaune wasn't helping my senses. Nor was the intoxicating smells of ointments and medicine… something in the air was getting to me.

So I went around the school collecting the ingredients for porridge along with a hot plate to cook it right in the Team JNPR room. I came back wearing some loose fitting clothing and a tight apron. The loose fitting clothing because the room was too hot for my usual outfit and an apron because safety while cooking first, kiddies!

I set up a station on Jaune's desk and began cutting the vegetables. I'm pretty clumsy with a knife which is why I use gauntlets. I mean, how can you miss with them, right?

But with a knife? That requires actual accuracy…

So I cut my finger.

"Owie!"

"Yang?"

"I-I'm fine," I lied. Oh dang it, this hurts. This hurts and stings, "owie, owie, owie…"

"Come here," Jaune said. "Let me see it."

I put the finger into my mouth and sucked out the blood. Oh, the horror and the pain. I sat down on Jaune's bed and showed him my finger. Leaning over to his drawer, he pulled out a band-aids and disinfectant.

"The cut is pretty shallow…," Jaune said as he sprayed the disinfectants on my finger. I winced. Hey, it stings and I'm not good with pricks and cuts! "It'll be fine," he remarked while he wrapped my finger. His hands were shaky, trying their best to be steady.

The irony of having a sick boy bandaging up the girl who's supposed to take care of him.

"Thanks…"

I moved to leave his bed and return cooking but Jaune held my hand. For a sickly little boy, he still had a pretty strong grip on him. "Yang, careful," he said before releasing my hand and plopping back onto his pillow.

"I will…"

Before long, the porridge was done. Piping hot with vegetables and extra meat, just the way I like it. I had enough sense to not dump a bunch of red-hot chili peppers in it - Jaune's sick after all.

I took scooped up a hearty helping for him and sat beside on his bed.

"Jaune," I said nudging him gently. "Food is ready…"

"Is it…?"

"Yeah." Taking a spoonful of porridge, I blew on it gently. "Here ya go, big boy."

Jaune looked at me. "I'm taller than you."

"Just quit the lip and eat," I said jamming the spoon into his mouth. "So. Good? Yes?"

Jaune chewed the meat and rice for a bit before gulping.

"This is…" Jaune took a deep breath through his nose. "Amazing!"

"Feeling better already, huh? Mom's special recipe. I use to make it for Ruby all the time. Can't believe how many times she caught a cold because she went swimming so much… then again I kept pushing her down the pool…"

Jaune smiled at me before coughing. I patted his back.

"Guess I'm going to need more of that porridge, huh?" Jaune laughed. I took another spoonful and blew on it before holding it to his lips. "You know Yang, I could eat your good every day," he said softly before taking a big bite.

My heart skipped a beat. Maybe this is what mom meant by a woman's happiness?

I wouldn't mind that at all.

* * *

_Yang-dere Fin_


	2. May the Best Girl Win

**Yang-dere**

**RWBY**

_May the Best Girl Win_

**Summary: **_Jaune is sick in bed with a cold while the rest of his team is out on a mission. Not one to leave the helpless unassisted, Yang decides to take care of the ill team leader of Team JNPR by making him a nice, nutritious, and meaty porridge with extra special ingredients._

**Author's Notes:**_ People wanted an aftermath chapter? Here's an aftermath chapter. Let's see if the response is positive._

* * *

_Ruby stares through the window at the sterile room._

_Weiss approaches Ruby from behind._

**Weiss: **Is Yang still...?

_Ruby looks off distantly and answers._

**Ruby: **Yeah...

_Ruby and Weiss watch as Yang holds a spoon up, trying to feed a blonde doll._

**Weiss:** Do we know why she did it?

**Ruby:** No...

**Weiss:** Do you think... maybe... she was really in love with him?

**Ruby:** Maybe...

_Ruby looks downcast as Weiss places a hand on her shoulder._

**Weiss:** Blake might be gone... but...

_Ruby begins shaking. Ruby clutches her shoulder and drops to her knees. Ruby is sobbing._

**Weiss:** Ruby! Ruby... there, there...

**Ruby:** I-it's my fault... I shouldn't have ever bought her that knife set!

_Ruby begins to sobbing uncontrollable._

**Weiss:** We all knew how much Yang wanted to be a cook... she always wanted to be more womanly...

**Ruby:** B-but Blake... and twenty others... Weiss! The horror! The look in their eyes! The blank stares...

_Weiss is silent._

**Weiss:** Ruby... why are you smiling?

_Ruby retrieves Crescent Rose from her holster, tears in her eyes._

**Ruby:** I loved him, Weiss! Yang didn't deserve him!

**Weiss:** R-Ruby... calm down! It's okay! He's just sick in bed... it's all minor.

_Ruby shakes as her scythe is armed._

**Ruby:** I did this... I did this didn't I? I don't even remember it... We... we were all partying... and I was drinking punch... b-but I remember waking up... covered in blood... I did it, didn't I, Weiss? They only found Yang with the knife in hand... she was cooking their meat and bones... and Pyrrha... her body... I did it all didn't I!? why did I do... Weiss? Weiss? Tell me-Weiss!

_Weiss says nothing._

_Ruby turns and looks back into the sterile room._

**Ruby:** I did this to her, didn't I...? _Ugh_!

_Weiss thrusts her sword through Ruby's heart from behind._

**Weiss:** Hush now... hush...

_Weiss embraces Ruby as Ruby gasps for air._

**Weiss:** Hush now my little errand girl... skip along now to your mother in the after life...

_Weiss lays Ruby onto the floor. She looks blankly before taking out her scroll._

**Weiss: **Hello. It's me. Get the Schnee Disposal Team at the viewing room of the mental hospital. Also prepare a car and a nice dinner. I'd like to visit my ill lover.

_Weiss turns and leaves the sisters to their own worlds._

* * *

_Best Girl Wins_

**Author's Notes:** This is still pretty funny to me. I still think this deserves a humor tag.


End file.
